Tag Archives: journal

Sixth Form and NCS


Today I attended a sixth form taster day, it’s the sixth form in my school, and the only place I applied for. It was SO refreshing to be out of my uniform and in my own clothes, it makes me feel a lot more comfortable and a lot less self conscious. I should be going again tomorrow, but I’m going to NCS! Today I had a taster for the lessons biology and history, two lessons I’m interested in doing for A level. Biology was good, much how I expected it to be. History was amazing, I found out that for year 12 history we learn about The Russian Revolution, Oliver Cromwell and the Monarchy at that time, and we further our knowledge on Germany. I am so excited, GCSE history was ok, I like history so it wasn’t too bad, but all we learnt about was medicine and surgery and Germany, not the most interesting subjects in the world. But this just sounds so good! NCS tomorrow should be so amazing, I can’t believe it’s come around this quickly. I can’t wait to be out in the countryside being active, instead of sitting at home staring at a computer screen. I don’t really have anything else to say. Waking up whenever I feel like it is weird, I definitely don’t miss the early mornings for school.

See EU Later


As you may or may not know, as of yesterday, Britain are no longer a part of the EU. I stayed up until 3am watching the live coverage on it the night before. I wanted to remain a part of the EU, I had seen both sides of the argument and I felt that this is the side I wanted to be on. Of course I am only a 16 year old girl, and of course I’m not the most clued up on the benefits and draw backs that leaving the EU will have on us, which is why, although admittedly I feel a bit sad, I can’t say whether this has been a good decision or a bad decision. We can only see what the future will hold. Scrolling through twitter the morning the nation found out about the departure was mad, hectic, angry teenagers everywhere, angry adults that had felt that the nation has let my generation down. Most of my generation wanted to stay in the EU, it was clear to see. Tweets with thousands of retweets appeared on my timeline. “The past just voted against the future” – “I guess British pensioners hate foreigners more than they love their grandchildren” – “Feel ashamed of my generation. We’ve let down our children and their children” – “Baby Boomers. The most selfish generation. Gifted in abundance from generations before. Stole from all generations to come after” – “Seventy five percent of people under the age of 25 voted remain. What a betrayal of them” – “So this morning two of the biggest points of the leave campaign – £350 million for NHS and reducing immigration – have been retracted by Leave Campaign” – “The older generation have voted for a future that the younger generation do not want”. It was scary, it is scary, this is my future. It’s scary to think that points that may have influenced people to join the leave campaign have already been taken away, and denied. A day that will go down in history. I can only hope that this is for the best, and that my generations future will be a bright one.

Summer starts with dress shopping!


Yesterday I officially finished all of my exams, and now I am free to do whatever I want. My last exam was graphics, a lesson I think I’m quite good at. It was 2 hours long, and I thought it was going to drag but I only had 15 minutes to spare at the end. I think the questions were mostly reasonable, and I think I may have done quite well. But one of the questions was ridiculous. There was this drawing of a toy train, and it was labelled into different parts, and you had to shade and render each different part to make it look like it was made of different materials. You had to shade one part to look like shiny plastic, which wasn’t too bad. But then you had to shade another part to look like wood, I did this about 5 times before I just gave up and left it how I’d done it. The next question was the most ridiculous. It asked me to make a part look like it was made of foam, OF FOAM. HOW ON THIS EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW TO MAKE SOMETHING LOOK LIKE IT IS MADE OF FOAM USING ONLY A GREY PENCIL?! DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO DO THAT?! Luckily it was only about 2 marks for that part, BUT STILL… FOAM!

Anyway, after I finished all of my exams, my mum and stepdad took me and my younger brother to Westfield shopping centre so I could look for a prom dress. We looked in every single shop that would sell any type of dress, and yet there wasn’t one dress that I liked enough to buy. I think it’s just destiny for me to turn up in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt at this point. The best part about the whole trip was the pizza I ate in the food hall. Of all of the dresses in that place I couldn’t even find one I liked, can you believe it? I hate prom, well, I don’t hate prom, I just hate the expectations it sets. How girls are just expected to go out and find the perfect dress and the perfect pair of shoes, and then spend ages getting ready on the night. I have nothing against dresses, I just have something against occasions you’re not completely comfortable with that force you to wear a really nice dress. I wish it just wasn’t made out to be this really big thing that everyone should be excited for, because I’m really not excited about it. And now it’s getting closer to the day of prom and I’m starting to feel like I’ll never find a dress I actually like. It’s annoying because I know that if I don’t find a dress I feel good in then I won’t want to go. Argggghhhhhh help me.

I woke up at 1pm today, if that isn’t a true sign that someone has finished their exams, then I don’t know what is. I’m probably just going to watch some youtube videos and get some food because my stomach is making whale noises right now. Byeeeee!

The questions revisited


I’ve decided to re-answer the questions I answered almost a year ago today, just to see if I’ve changed that much.

  1. What’s your current fashion obsession? My taste in fashion varies. I wear mom jeans, vans, and a blouse/jumper/graphic t-shirt/oversized flannel shirt. Or a dress, fishnet tights, doc martens and an oversized denim jacket. I wear mini skirts, denim skirts, with boots or vans and a jumper or t-shirt. I wear patterned trousers and turtle necks, with a leather jacket. It really does depend what mood I’m in, I definitely do have too many clothes.
  2. What are you wearing? I’m wearing one of those baggy dresses, you know the kind that looks like a cropped oversized shirt attached to a baggy skaterish style skirt, quite short. Its black and has white cartoon suns and moons all over it. I’m wearing it with my denim jacket, tights and black doc martens.
  3. Hair? Its gotten considerably longer since the last time I answered this question, it now reaches the middle of my boob kind of area. It’s still dark blonde, but I’ve had light blonde highlights put into it.
  4. Morning go to? I’m definitely not a morning person. I think it’s just got worse as I’ve got older. I never ever want to wake up. It takes me so long to actually feel awake. So I’d say that I wake up and lay in bed for an hour trying to convince myself to open my eyes, check instagram and whatsapp or whatever, and then get up and brush my teeth.
  5. Why is today special? It marks the last weekend I have before I finish all of my exams. Also its father’s day, happy fathers day dad u absolute ledge xoxox
  6. What would you like to learn how to do? Play the guitar, socialise with people I don’t know, speak a different language.
  7. What’s for dinner today? I had quorn sausages, roast potatoes, vegetables, yorkshire puddings and gravy.
  8. What are you listening to right now? I’m not listening to any music but I can hear the tv on downstairs and the fan in the bathroom.
  9. What are your essentials when travelling? I usually just take my phone, money, headphones, and that’s it. Maybe a tin of vaseline.
  10. What job did you want when you were a little kid? I’ve wanted to be a vet for as long as I can remember. I’m not so sure about that now though. In theory it’s ok. But it involves doing a lot of subjects I don’t really enjoy.
  11. What is your most challenging goal now? Deciding what I want to do for A levels.
  12. Name 3 things you can’t live without. Family, music, friends.
  13. What would you like to have in your hands right now? I can’t actually think of anything. Concert tickets maybe ??
  14. What would you like to get rid of? Spiders, racism, sexism, homophobia, socks that fall down inside your shoes.
  15. What are you most excited for? The sense of freedom I’ll feel in 2 days time, and NCS, and going to Greece for a week.
  16. What is your favourite type of music? Definitely Indie. My favourite artists are the 1975, wolf alice, peace, sundara karma, the front bottoms, catfish and the bottlemen, nirvana, mac demarco, tame impala, superfood, and loads more.
  17. Which countries have you visited? All the same ones as last time.
  18. What was the last movie you watched? I can’t even remember. Might have been drive me crazy?
  19. What can you see out of the nearest window? Nothing right now because it’s dark, if it wasn’t it’d just be my back garden lol.

Away for nine months??


Title makes it seem like I’ve been pregnant, I haven’t been pregnant. I’ve just been gone, doing whatever I was doing. Reading back on old posts about what I wore on a daily basis makes me realise how much 9 months can actually change a person, at least style wise. I like to think I’ve adopted an Angela Chase/Rachel Green/Indie weirdo kind of style. I’ve branched out a lot more and I’m happy about it. I’ve never been more happy with the clothes I own than I am now. Most of them are from charity shops, I absolutely love charity shops. On another note, those dreaded GCSEs I’ve talked about weren’t actually that bad. My last exam is the day after tomorrow and then I am freeeeeeee. I didn’t revise as much as I would have liked myself to, but it’s done now, there’s no turning back. I found some exams hard, and I found some exams easy, that’s just the way it is. I can’t be good at everything and I think I’ve just accepted that fact now. No point in worrying about what my results are going to be, now is the time for relaxing, not stressing myself out. I feel like I’ve done so much in the last nine months that me writing on this blog again is almost like a different person writing on it. It’s definitely missed out on a good chunk of life experiences, but whatever, there’s gonna be more to come! Completely over that guy I talked about having a crush on for a year, Thank God for that. I’m not really doing anything right now. I’m about to have a bath and probably watch some orange is the new black on netflix or find a website that will let me watch all of the episodes of friends. Sadly friends is only on the US version of netflix. So, yeah. I’m gonna try to use this blog a lot more frequently now.

I talk too much


To the untrained eye (basically anyone that doesn’t know me) I may look shy, and like I don’t speak a lot. The first part is true, I am very shy, and I hate speaking or doing anything that involves having an audience watch me. But if you know me, then I speak a lot. Today I was out with 3 of my friends, for one of their birthdays (Happy Birthday N! Although I know you’re not reading this). All I kept finding myself doing was thinking “Why did I say that? They don’t care about what I think”.

I wasn’t saying anything rude, I was just talking, and that’s the thing. Once I’ve said something I almost always want to shove the words back into my mouth so nobody will hear them. Every time I speak I feel as if I’m being annoying, so I tell myself to stop being annoying, but then more words come tumbling from my mouth. I talk entirely too much about things I feel nobody cares about. I’ll say “I read this book blah blah blah” and then I’d tell them about the contents of the book, but after I’ve finished telling them I can only help but think that I’m being annoying again.

I don’t know why I feel like this. But I just wish my mouth had some kind of filter that would stop me from saying annoying things… But then I would probably end up never speaking because I’m pretty sure that everything I say is annoying. Now that I think about it, this whole post is probably annoying. I wish I could just be quiet and just let other people speak.

In other non-im-annoying-why-do-i-even-bother-to-speak-related-news I started watching awkward last night. I remember I watched the first series of it a while ago, and I couldn’t find the second series, so I gave up. I liked it the first time I watched the first series, but now I’m a bit older I feel like I can understand it better, and I absolutely love it. I love the fact that although Jenna saw herself as awkward and weird she still got the guy she wanted. (Obviously minus the confusing love triangle. Sorry Jake, I was always team Matty).

Because I am a teenage girl, and teenage girls do this kind of thing, I will now tell you that I have the BIGGEST crush on Matty. He has the cutest smile, and really nice eyes and really nice hair and a really nice face and a he’s really tall so obviously that’s really nice and everything about him is really nice. The first time I watched awkward I thought that he was all right looking, but since having watched it again I’ve realised that 13 year old me was so wrong and that he is undeniably gorgeous.

If you haven’t watched awkward, then I suggest you do. I haven’t given it a very thrilling review, but trust me (trust me, I am only a stranger, wow) it is very much worth watching. Apart from the obviously gorgeous Matty, and the rest of the good-looking cast, it has a really good storyline and really good characters. I think my favourite character is Tamara because she’s so confident and she stands up for herself (please let me grow up to be like that). I’m on season 3, episode 2 and I stopped 10 minutes into it because I wanted to write a post. I’m going to try and write something on here everyday, even if it is just rambling like this has been.

Also, before I end this post, I want to say thank you to every word you say for welcoming me to the blogosphere, and I really like your blog 🙂

Bye for nowwwwwwwww!

How to respond to an unexpected message like a normal human being


I guess the start of my problem here is that I’m probably not a normal human being. The middle being that the message is from a boy I used to have a massive crush on. And the end being… there is no end, I’m pretty much socially awkward and problems like this never go away. Whilst procrastinating, I stumbled upon an old relic called facebook, which should only be used if you want to be trapped into mindlessly watching vines for 2 hours, and wishing you were not. Whilst being slowly bored by video after video, I realised I had a message. Thinking it would probably just be one of my friends I clicked on it, only to realise it was not, and was in fact P (P’s not his real name because just in case, in a sick twisted turn of events P finds this, and realises it’s about him then I will never go to school again. I know it’s a little long-winded but stranger things have happened… Probably).

Me and P used to talk in year 9, (when the crushing started) but as time went by we kinda just stopped talking. At the beginning of year 10 he turned into more of an acquaintance, and less of a crush. Now, at almost the beginning of year 11, he is a boy who I sit behind in history, where I occasionally find myself admiring his hair cut. (Weird, but he has gr8 hair). So you can imagine my surprise (I totally stole this line from somewhere. I’m not sure where, but creds to the dude that was brainy enough to think it up) when I saw that it was P.

The message only said hi, but even the thought of a message from him makes me want to change my name to Derek and move to Paris, just so I don’t have to think of something to say back that doesn’t make me sound like a n00b. I replied with “hi?”, which now that I think about it sounds more rude than curious (oh god). How do you correctly tell someone that you used to have the biggest crush on them therefore feel awkward about talking to them?

And then he commented on my late reply (9 days late) because who the hell checks their faceboook messages anyway to which I said “It was a bit random” because it’s true and then he just said that he “wanted to talk to me”. HA HAAHA. 

Then just to prove that I could look even more awkward than I looked before (amazing I know) I said “I have lost all ability to think of anything to say”… So now as well as me knowing that I’m not good at conversations, so does he.

Who tells people that they don’t know what to say? Me… I do. I’m the idiot that does that.

After that he asked me how my holiday was and I said something along the lines of “It was ok, how about you?”. To which he said “Same”. And then I didn’t reply, because how does one reply to “same”? Please put that amongst the list of the thousands of other things that I make awkward.

So in conclusion, I’m more awkward than I thought possible, and I can’t reply to messages like a normal human. So if you were mislead and thought that this post would actually help you respond to an unexpected message maybe or maybe not from a boy you spent a whole year having a crush on then I am sorry. But just know that I’m in the same boat as you, and we can be awkward together.

Also, this post is amazingly long and amazingly boring, so I apologise for that too. I’m off to make a cup of tea, and to try to avoid the questions that will inevitably be thrown at me by my mum’s tipsy friend who is downstairs this very moment.


Not quite sure what I’m doing


I’m never quite sure what I’m doing. I’m definitely always doing something, or supposed to be anyway (procrastination at it’s finest). Right now I’m supposed to be doing a 700 (not quite 700, but it feels like it) page maths booklet as homework for when school starts again in 4 (yes 4, goodbye summer holidays….) days. But instead I’ve decided to make a blog, where I can write stuff. That stuff being ____________ [fill in the blank].

If you filled the blank with anything remotely exciting then you could not be more wrong. “That stuff” will probably be my thoughts or things that have happened in my day. Not sure why anybody would be interested in reading about my self-proclaimed boring day, or my jumbled up thoughts, but hey-ho, because at least I have somewhere to vent and ramble. Nothing very interesting has happened today, I sat in a car for 3 hours, then came home and sat on my bed for more hours to come. You’re probably bored to tears having read all of this (if you could even be bothered to get this far). So I’m gonna go now, and probably do some more procrastinating.